Last Friday we found out we were unsuccessful in our application to become an NPO.
We’ve had some lovely messages and emails from people asking if we’re ok and sending love and support. Thank you so much.
We wanted to write about where we’re at. Mostly for ourselves - a kind of internal audit on how we’re doing - but we also don’t want to be conspicuous in our silence. We didn’t know what we wanted to say on the day, we’re still digesting and didn’t want to make any announcements before we’d let the dust and our feelings settle.
We have mixed feelings about the NPO result. The application process was really difficult for us. We spent a long time thinking about how we could deliver some of the goals of Let’s Create (we wrote about our initial feelings about the strategy in summer 2020) and we went through a long process of thinking about how to articulate what we already do, and how to adapt what we do to become better, but also to make a better case for funding. The NPO submission deadline happened to fall on the press night for our most recent show, Oh Mother. It was challenging but we had enormous support from our fantastic board who dragged us over the finish line. We had been sure we wanted to apply, but felt minced by the process. And once we’d submitted we became unsure about some of the projects we’d applied with. We also became unsure about whether we wanted to be the leaders of an NPO. The investment principles are admirable and we’re sure make for a well run company, but delivering the projects as well as the principles felt daunting. The prospect of expanding our team and skills made it feel just about possible, but the truth is we didn’t know that we wanted our application to be successful.
We’ve struggled for a while to be artists and performers who run a company. We want to be a company because we want creative autonomy. We have also been able to make rehearsal and performance schedules work around having young children and adapt the way we work as our lives and priorities change. This has felt like a powerful and at times radical place to be (supported by new IPSO PIPA who are fantastic). But as the NPO result date loomed, and then disappeared and then loomed again we realised that if we got NPO we would have to become much better at running a company, and what we really want to become much better at is being artists. With our caring responsibilities we don’t think it’s possible for us to properly grow in both areas just now. So when we found out we were unsuccessful, we felt kind of OK about it. Having said that, rejection always feels crap and seeing our peers get it while we didn’t is a bit painful.
The problem is we also got a rejection for an NLPG on Friday and it certainly feels like running the company full time on project grants is no longer possible. We’ve seen lots of wonderful companies saying they will battle on and make it work, but we don’t feel like fighting. If nothing else, fighting to make the work has never made the work good, in our case. We need space and freedom and lightness. Pressure and fear usually makes us panic and resort to tried and tested tropes that aren’t getting us or anyone, anywhere new.
Being good at managing a team, being good at making and performing in shows, being good at articulating our work in the framework of Let’s Create - we’re not managing it. When we finish making a show we don’t leave on press night and go back to running the company, we’re at the theatre every night, and it’s exhausting and there’s not lots of time for strategic or administrative work during the days. And we haven’t managed to make a case to pay ourselves well enough to keep doing it full time. It’s the classic mid career, young kids, need-more-from-my-job-than-it- can-give-me, job-needs-more-from-me-than-I-can-give-it conundrum that we’re definitely not the first to experience.
We still want to make work together, we still want to make work as RashDash. We’ll still write project grant applications and we’ll continue to knock on doors for commissions, just not as often... We don’t actually know how the next bit goes because it’s unchartered for us. We’ll still run a workshop if you’d like us to and can pay us, but we won’t be offering the mentoring programme anymore and if you’re a student and you’re reading this, we won’t be able to reply to all requests for a bit. Really sorry about that. We believe in you and what you do and we need you to make your art. For real.
We want to make shows about things that matter to us and we think therefore might also matter to other people. We want to speak personally, and truthfully, because for the kind of shows we make, as Rachel Cusk says ‘without the most stringent honesty it is absolutely meaningless.’ We want more time than we’ve ever successfully made a case for to make those shows because we want them to be really fucking good. And the sad thing is we don’t think we’re achieving our potential in this system. We think we could make excellent things, with time and resource, but it’s not currently available. In the matrix of seed commission, commission, trust and foundation grants, arts council grants, private donors, education and professional development projects, we’re not even close to spending enough time making the thing as good as it can be. These are things we didn’t write in our application.
We’re going to think about some new projects that we can make slowly, alongside finding other work. We’re going to try and find new ways to work together, and to talk about that work- we hope.
We know some people are really good at being artists and running companies and it’s not an impossible job. Huzzah and hoorah for artist and performer led companies and our pals Little Bulb and Selina Thompson Ltd who join the portfolio this year. Can’t wait to see all their wonderful work. Power to the elbows of all the NPOs class of 23-26 - may you carpet the nation with culture.
This isn’t a cry for help, we promise. This is just a long ‘we didn’t get it’ announcement. But if you have any projects that might need an Abbi, an Helen or both, let us know.
Loads of love Abbi & Helen x